During the infertility journey, it's common to feel like everything is spiraling out of control. Today, we'll explore simple ways to regain control, not only over your fertility journey but also over your life.

Feeling overwhelmed and out of control often leads to frustration and hopelessness. So we will cover why you feel this way and what to do so you can feel empowered instead.

You can't control every aspect of your path to parenthood, but you have more power over your life and happiness than you think while in the wait for baby. So, listen to today’s episode to reduce the overwhelm and get back in control of your life, no matter what stage of infertility you’re in.

On this episode, we're diving into the part of the IVF journey that nobody wishes to encounter but most do—the day you get bad news.

I’ll be walking you through the 8 steps to help you get through the tough days of infertility so you can create your own toolkit to help you get back up faster.

I wish trying to conceive was always joyful. 

But, that’s not realistic. For IVF & for life. 

I truly believe that life is 50/50 meaning half of the time it’s awesome & half the time it’s hard. 

We just take a lot of the awesome moments in life for granted & we minimize some of the past awful moments since it’s in our rear view mirror. 

The IVF process includes a lot of steps where you might get bad news. As each step is like a hurdle that must be passed before you can move forward. Or continue on.

And if you’re new here, you need to know one thing I often say is:  there is no winner in the grief Olympics over here. 

So whether that bad news was your body not responding to the stims & the egg retrieval is canceled. 

Or you didn’t get as many eggs as you wanted. 

Or your day 5 report came back with no embryos. 

Or your pgt results show no normal embryos. 

Or your transfer was canceled because your lining wasn’t thick enough or there was a polyp.

Or your transfer was unsuccessful.

Or you suffered pregnancy loss. 

It ALL effin sucks. 

As someone who experienced the last 3 examples & who coaches women through all stages of IVF I want to share with you what to do on THE DAY you get the bad news. You’ll want to write these 8 steps down so if you’re listening in the car or on a walk just know you’ll want to come back and listen again when you can write these all down to have available for your next bad news day.

1. You feel it. Crying is a natural way to express emotion & helps you process it too. You moan. You weep. You shout. You scream. You punch a pillow or the bed or the ground (never punch something you could harm) 
2. You talk about it. You should not experience this pain alone. Talk about it to a best friend or family member. You text about it to your inner circle. You talk about it to whomever will listen to you & you feel safe sharing your news with. A Therapist. A Coach. Me. At the very least you write it out. 
   
   Pro tip: doing #2 usually helps #1 happen
   
   
3. You give yourself nothing but kindness & grace. This might mean calling in sick to work. Having someone else drive you home. It may look like staying in bed all day. Ordering takeout. Eating cereal for dinner. It also means there is NO shaming. Whether for wishing it could be different or thinking this bad thing is happening because you don’t deserve good things. 
4. You do 1 nice thing for yourself. A nap, a walk, a shower, a real meal, meditate, plan something fun
5. You take it one step at a time. You keep putting 1 foot in front of the other. I wish there was a shortcut, but there is not as the only way out of this is going through it. 
6. You don’t make any decisions today (it’s that simple). You dont’ decide if you’re trying again, or taking a break. You don’t come up with a new protocol or look for a second opinion. 
7. You remind yourself three things: you can do hard things, it won't always be this hard. And that having a bad day does not equal a bad life. Over and over and over again.
8. Repeat as necessary. Keep feeling it, keep talking about it, keep giving yourself kindness & grace, keep doing a nice thing for yourself, keep taking it one step at a time and keep reminding yourself that you can get through it.

Listen, The day you get the bad news is hard. I won’t even try to sugar coat it. 

Ignoring how you feel, shaming yourself for how you feel, or pretending you don’t feel the way you do is what you DO NOT want to be doing right now

I have a past episode called The Pep Talk that you will also want to listen to. So I’ll link it in the show notes for you to listen after this one. With both of these episodes, you not only can feel seen and validated in your pain, you also have the steps to take to start feeling a little better.

Because when you honor and feel it today, you’ll be able to get back up, and get back to life. It’s just not going to happen today.  

Sending you so much love and reminding you that you are so much more than your infertility.